haruhi

I know I'm not perfect,But far from It.I will admit that. But I want to find someone,Someone who sees beyond what others do not.A person who loves me for me.A person who makes me happy because they are them,And I make them happy because I am me.A "Someone Just for me."...I want them to understand me and Listen to me.I want them to still love me for what I can do...And for what I cannot do.And my flaws...I want that person to see them as nothing more than Just the things that make me...Me.The person they love.A person who will love me.My faults...My flaws...My mistakes.Everything.because I am me.Let the person care for me.Love me.Protect me.Help me.Take all my stress,worries,And pain...My depression...My loneliness and everything negative and bad away from me.And let me do the same for them.
...
I have anger Issues.I get angry easily and I get angry a lot.I am a sadist.I love It when people cry and when they are In pain...And when they scream.I love to cause It...I love to cause everything bad and negative.It makes me happy and entertains me so.The list goes on and on.Peoples pain and whatnot brings Joy to me.I love It.It's so fun and so hilarious!!!!I am feared and hated.But,You see...I also have another side to me...No one sees that side.
Everyone loves to see me sick...Loves to see me Ill.They love to see me at my weakest.So helpless.So worthless...Useless.
How PATHETIC I am.

the seceond  part

I wish everyone would stop lying to me.I wish people wouldn't fear and hate me,But I guess I'm to blame for why they do.I'm to blame for that...
I wish people wouldn't Judge me or reject me...
I don't want to be misunderstood anymore...
I want to be happy!Please...Please...Please. ...
I do have a good side...But no one really ever sees that side,Because everyone Is the same,And they do not get to see that side of me...They treat me the same.They act the same.They speak the same...Everything.Lies.I CAN be fun.I CAN be funny...And I CAN laugh and I CAN smile...AND MEAN IT.
I'm the worlds greatest mistake...
I'm horrible...I've heard It so many times,And I continue to hear It.
Why am I'm alive???This Isn't,"Living"...This Isn't,"Being alive".If It Isn't...Then...What Is It???Am I only here to suffer???Why am I here???Is that all I'm here for???Do I have no purpose for my existence???No reason to why I'm alive???To why I'm here???...Maybe I'm the pathetic one.The weak one...And all The other things I call and yell to at everyone else.Was I referring to myself???I truly am...Pathetic.

"Are You Really Worth It...???" ::.-::-::-.::
Am I a comfort???
...Or am I a discomfort???
Is all this a big discomfort to you...???
Am I not what you expected???
...Is this not what you wanted???
...Is everything not what you expected???
Wanted???
You will not go on living so happily.
You will suffer...
I'm going to make you.
...Or will you accept me???
Accept everything...???
Will you understand me???
Listen to me???
Will your love be real???Will It be strong and pure and true???
Will you make us truly happy---
While you are too...???
Or will everything be a lie???
Will you make us happy...???
Will we make you happy???
... Those who lie will never live happily...
They will regret...
And they will suffer.
Are you worthy???
Are you worth It???
Are you...True???
...Are you???
Do you think...You can save us???
Do you think you can help???
...What about me???
Am I going to be forgotten once again???
Do I...Not matter???
...No...I'm going to make you suffer.Your the one who will be forgotten.
I don't need you.
WE don't need you.
If you are worthy...If you care..."Fight."
Show me.Prove It to me...
I'm not going to let this go so easily.
It won't be over so easily...
I won't let you go...So easily.
Because this Isn't easy...
Is It???
Nothing Is.
You have to look beyond what you see...
You have to understand.
You have to listen.
...You will have to protect and you will have to help.
The list goes on and on...
Can you even put up with all this???
Or will you leave...---
Like everyone else???
Show me.Prove to me...That you are worthy.Show me That you are different from everyone else.
Or don't waste my time...With your lies and uselessness and worthlessness.
Show me you are useful...And not worthless...And useless.
Or don't bother...
Are you true???...Or are you a lie???
Show me...
Prove It to me.